Three Things You Can Do - Right Now - To Change Your Life

Fact: This Is A Real Picture

Pretty cool title, huh?

I have a simple, three-step program you can do right now to change your life for the better. Don't believe me? Give them a try and see what you think.... and please follow them in order. Here they are:

1. Turn off the TV.
2. Turn off the computer.
3. Go outside.

I admit, these aren't really revolutionary tips, but I guarantee they will change your life like it did mine.

Time = Money

How much time do we actually spend in front of an electronic screen?

In September 2009, the Nielsen Company (the same one that analyzes TV ratings) reported that the average American watches 153 hours of TV every month and spends 68 hours a month on the internet. Not only that, but the average American watches over one hour of TV ads per day!

In fact, others studies reveal that when the average American reaches age 65, they will have watched over ONE YEAR of TV commercials. My goodness! ONE YEAR! In the last year, I managed to visit South Korea, the United States, Australia, Taiwan, Thailand, China, and Hong Kong (twice). What would happen if I replaced all of those experiences just to find out which paper towel is the quicker-picker-upper?

Does any of this news upset you? I hope it does - anger or frustration with something can be a great motivator. I hope one day we can start to understand how the media constructs our lifestyles and views; watch how it can alter our opinions on sex, beauty, success, failure, race, foreign countries, etc.

And yet, we waste OVER 110 DAYS a year in front of the boob tube and on the internet COMBINED.

Why?

Lisa: It's not our fault our generation has short attention spans, Dad. We watch an appalling amount of TV.
Homer: Don't you ever, EVER talk that way about television.
- From The Simpsons

"What If I Miss Something?"

Mothers, cover your child's ear for this one because it might sting:

Please cut the fucking shit.

If you wanted to find out what happened in the world today, does it really require over 3 hours per day via TV and 2 hours per day via internet?

People, please: national evening news programs are approximately 21 minutes long, taking out the irrelevant commercials. In that time, most of it is biased, sensationalized coverage of international activities that locals might not even care about. And don't even get me started on local news programs - half of it barely qualifies as "news", anyway.

"And you know this.... maaaaan!"
-Chris Tucker, Friday

What's on TV?

Take a good look at all the shows you watch and websites you visit. Ask yourself these question and answer honestly: are they helping you advance your life? Are they making you stronger? Do they make you a better person? More forgiving? More accepting of others and their opinions? Kinder to those who need help and can't help themselves?

We waste hours a day on TV. We spend hundreds of dollars for premium cable and satellite packages. We purchase many products as a result of television commercials and programs. But when was the last time you bought a self-help book? Or a book of wise quotes? Or an autobiography from a inspiration person? You know - something that would be of real value. Where are our priorities?

What if I put a gun to your head and forced you to cut down your TV and computer time to 30 minutes per day? Could you do it? I think so. What if I forced you to cut down your TV and computer time to 30 minutes A WEEK?

NOTE: I understand there are many people out there who work on their computer. Fair enough. But when you get home after a hard day of work, try to find more constructive ways to unwind.

I just spent all morning watching a VH1 special on Gwen Stefani. I don't know what a Hollaback girl is. All I know is that I want her dead.
- Brian Griffin, Family Guy

"By the way, I'm aware of the irony of appearing on TV in order to decry it, so don't bother pointing that out."
— Sideshow Bob, The Simpsons

What's outside?

Life.

Go outside and have new experiences. Watch the sunrise. Take a walk. Go hiking. Make new friends. Help someone in need. Humanize yourself with the world! Become aware of your surrounds and your place in the universe. Hell, some of my greatest memories in South Korea were hiking up a hill behind my apartment and watching the sunset on a beautiful Spring afternoons.

When you die, are you going to tell your family, "I wish I watched more Glee"? Are you going to write in your will: Please bury me with all the seasons of Friends? I'd rather hope not. Life is much to short to waste in front of the television and computer.

Go outside. Your life awaits.

"It is not that we have a short space of time, but that we waste much of it."
-Lucius Seneca

Weekend Notes

On Saturday, I completed The Magic of Thinking Big by David Schwartz, a phenomenal book regarding positive thinking patterns and real-life examples of success and failure. My mind swam with ideas, and I sought to transcribe the book's many teachings and my resulting thoughts. After ten or so minutes, I wrote the following (courtesy of a few high school students who lent me paper and a pen at Starbucks):

1. No more sarcasm! It only breeds contempt and negativity.

2. The weather is always fantastic! Complaining about weather patterns is as common as birds and only works to set off a negative firestorm.

3. You're always "pretty awesome"! No more "alright," "okay," or "could be better." What you say and how you feel go hand-in-hand.

4. Never talk negatively about people! Tough one, but no matter how much you dislike someone, don't talk head. It doesn't do any good, makes you more upset, and makes you seem disloyal and dishonest.

5. Have high standards... in yourself, not others. It's important to demand much out of yourself - hell, it's a requirement. But don't demand perfection among others. They all have faults just as you do and there's no need to correct them... if you are even correct at all. If you can't stand certain individuals, you are free to find new friends. But don't stay there, get mad at them, and then complain.

6. No more complaining! [Corrupt text] If everyone in the world were just like me, it would be awfully stubborn and negative. I admit I have my positive qualities, but I'm focusing here on improvement, not celebration.

7. Stop giving advice! It makes people think you're a "know-it-all," who judges everyone. This one needs some extra attention.

I felt quite satisfied when I threw my pen down because it's always better to write out thoughts - your ideas become real, and it forces your mind to focus. It's a little crude, but I designed this checklist to be direct and unapologetic.

I'm too old for excuses.

It's time to start thinking big.

On Being Alone

Coming to Taiwan, I didn't really know anyone. Sure, my Mother had a few friends in Taipei who helped me settle in - but they're much older and busier. It's pretty much just me. And since I've arrived, many people asked if I felt lonely or needed a friend. This post serves to compile my thoughts and better answer this question.

"I Can Make Friends."

I'm not going to lie and say it's easy to make friends - it really isn't. Creating new friendships require an individual to constantly challenge themselves, demonstrate social awareness, and become vulnerable to embarrassment and rejection. However, with finding friends, there remains many options and degrees of difficulty.

With a passive approach, one maintains a sit-and-wait mentality. They hope for a brave, well-connected soul to come their way, invite them out, and open doors for them. Obviously, it's a lot of fun when it happens - the passive method, however, focuses solely on this type of interaction.

An active approach requires more skill and courage - again, to varying degrees. For example, it takes initiative to find language exchange partners, meet friends-of-friends, or socialize with people in the same school or organization. The beauty of these networks lie in the common interests of the acquaintances-to-be. People in these circles already have similar goals or - especially in the case of friends-of-friends - possess some social proof.

Clearly, the most difficult approach involves meeting complete strangers. It takes bravery to open that conversation, skill to continue the interaction, and skill AND charisma to build rapport. From that point, one becomes exposed to the desires and actions of the potential friend. Does this person want a new friend? Will they call you back? Is he/she trustworthy? Where do you rank in this person's network? Will he/she abandon you? Etc.

My style - or steez, if you will - combines all three. But I emphasize on the hardest because I recognize that that path develops friends and, more importantly, character. Overcoming obstacles and desensitizing myself to failure will cultivate a spirit that may reap success in the future.

"What's Wrong With Being Alone?"

I like being alone. It affords you an opportunity to relax, ponder big questions, and develop yourself. Enormous leaps of self-improvement are only possible when you take time to dig within, see yourself truthfully, and develop remedies.

I like being with friends, as well. But I also understand the potential and beauty of aloneness.

However, I notice a tinge of pity when people ask:

"Do you have friends in Taiwan?"
"Do you eat by yourself?"
"Did you go to ________ by yourself?"
...

To those people: I understand your concern for my well-being, and I appreciate the sympathy, but you are lamenting a situation that isn't even a problem. There is nothing wrong with doing things by yourself. In fact, oftentimes, it demonstrates confidence; you do the things YOU want, with or without company. You won't let anything stop you - THAT exemplifies boldness. Traveling alone:

"...I've found is a great way to immerse myself in my surroundings. Without a partner, I have complete independence, which inspires me to meet people and find experiences that I normally wouldn't have sought."
- Rolf Potts, Vagabonding

Being Alone

So what is it like being alone? Is it boring? Quiet? Uncomfortable? Honestly, I cannot confine the sensation in a few words. I will say this:

This morning, as I enjoyed a bowl of congee inside a small, cozy, open-air restaurant, I sat quietly, gazing at the falling rain. I felt the cadence of the raindrops as it drummed the leaves and branches and dripped upon the old, metal roof. I savored the sweetness of the air; the rain washed my soul much like it cleans the Earth. And relaxing here - at this moment - I came to realize I only require me, myself, and I to experience such beauty and tranquility.

The Twenty-One-Day No-Complaint Challenge

It's a simple as that. Twenty-one days. No complaints.

Wear a bracelet - or in my case, a blue rubber band - and move it from wrist to wrist after every complaint. The goal is to go twenty-one days without one. Of course, this isn't my idea; a Kansas City minister named Will Bowen founded the project, and I happened to read it in The 4-Hour-Work-Week by Timothy Ferriss. No matter the origins, I agree this is brilliant.

For those who know me, it is obvious I complain entirely too much. And I must be stopped. It's time to take an active, visible approach to self-improvement.

FYI, I started on Friday and switched wrists about twenty-plus times since then.

....hmm, did I just complain?

When Buddhism Goes Wrong

As I sit here admiring the beauty of the Longshan Buddhist Temple and the presence of its numerous, well-endowed visitors, I wonder just how many of us truly exemplify the values and lessons of the Buddha - the belief that the root of all suffering is desire and that we are to walk through this Earth residing always in the present moment.

How many of us really REALLY understand the Buddha's sacrifices? His foregone material desires? His bravery? His courage? I heard he abandoned his status of royalty to find enlightenment in the forests. It is one thing to say, "Yeah, I'm a Buddhist." It's quite another thing to actually be one.

In this postmodern age, it is increasingly apparent that we are farther from these Eternal Truths than ever before. Although I would not say a reversal isn't possible, it seems rather unlikely anytime soon. Maybe, in this way, I can take a lesson from the Buddha: break out of my eggshell and be free.

I never met him, but I don't think the Buddha cares if we go to temple or burn a million incenses... for a life not awake is a life not lived and humanity still endlessly suffers.

Next Stop!

Look up "Formosa" in a Portuguese dictionary. Smile.

The tiny, mountainous island of Taiwan is full of history, gorgeous sights, and a rich culture. While there are many exciting urban areas, the nation boasts stunning and serene natural treasures. It captivated my heart two years ago when I visited my aunt diagnosed with breast cancer.

After my teaching contract ends, I'll return to Los Angeles for rest and reverse-culture shock, then head to Taipei, Taiwan. I'm not sure what I'll be doing, but it'll likely be a mix of learning Mandarin, teaching English, and looking for financial work.

Anyang haseyo, Korea. It's been fun.

Overcoming Your Fears

Here kitty, kitty, kitty....

"So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself — nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance."
- Franklin D. Roosevelt, 1932 Inaugural Address

We're all afraid of something; you'd be lying if you said you weren't. Certain people or certain actions can paralyze us with fear, shyness, self-doubt, or any other cocktail of negative and destructive emotions (shaken, not stirred). How can we conquer this inner demon and touch the freedom that awaits on the other side? How can we triumph in the face of fear?

Well, I don't claim to be a spiritual guru who lives in the purity of constant inner-peace - far from it. I am, however, a normal-ass guy who, from time-to-time, deals with doubts, insecurities, and the overall feeling of fear, but has several methods to cope with these feeling. Here how I do it.

Put Yourself In Position

"80 percent of success is showing up."
- Woody Allen

Move toward your fear. Get yourself close.

One of my main sources of fear is talking to random, attractive women that I don't know. [Pause for laughter] For me, there are few things more frightening then walking across a busy coffee shop, store, subway station, etc. and striking up a conversation with a lovely and unsuspecting female. It's hard to describe the feeling of a million eyes staring at you. The fear of rejection and ridicule is enormous.

But how do I approach these women again and again? What secret do I use?

I put myself in position for success.

Maybe I walk over to the adjacent area. Maybe I look at a book in a nearby shelf. Maybe I sit on the same row of chairs. Regardless, I force myself to move to the area where success can be achieved! In this "zone of success", my girl of interest and I can still talk. Even if I don't say anything, she could ask me for directions, the time, or a plethora of other nonchalant conversation-starters. Hell, this has happened to me numerous times. One may argue, "But you didn't DO anything!"

....didn't I?

Uncomfortable Comfort

"If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid."
- Epictetus

Get out of your comfort zone. Push it hard, and push it now. Nothing is going to help a person who is afraid to challenge themselves.

Aristotle once wrote, "We are what we repeatedly do..." With that logic, if you repeatedly get out of your comfort-zone and regularly perform fearful challenges, you will become adept at risk-taking. Fear will not be the obstacle it once was. Fear will be a bigger has-been than Vanilla Ice.

How do you challenge yourself?

Practice doing things that cause a little embarrassment. Start off small. These activities gets your adrenaline rushing, your blood pumping, and keeps your mind sharp.

Tim Ferriss, author of The Four-Hour Work Week, mentioned that Cato the Younger wore "darker robes than was customary and [wore] no tunic. He expected to be ridiculed and he was, he did this to train himself to only be ashamed of those things that are truly worth being ashamed of."

I talk to strangers to get out of my comfort zone. It supplies me with a lot of stories and experience (and a lot of numbers, hehe). I never know how they're going to react, yet I push through anyway. Hell, I have a Hello Kitty charm/subway card on my cellphone. Useful? Sometimes. Gay? Maybe. Trendy? Hell yes.

Notice, though, in these examples that they don't do things JUST to be different.

They do it to be better.

You're Not The Only One

History is filled with millions of people who faced their fears to attain success. Read their story. Learn from them. Be inspired.

There's not much to say here. The rest is up to you.

My favorite quote on courage.

"Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway."
-John Wayne

*I'm still afraid of spiders, though.... I'm not even going to TRY to conquer that fear. =P